So, this is a bit of another post where I don’t really know where it’s going to go, or whats going to come spilling out of my brain, but here we go. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, sometimes I feel like I use this blog as my online diary, and just spill out the contents of my brain- so apologies in advance.
The last week and a half has been weird, and also mentally challenging. I went from finishing a part time job I’d had for over a year, and made incredible friends there, to starting a new full time job the day after, working an 8 day working week, and just feeling a little bit lost. I’m sure if you follow me on Instagram, and read my captions, you may know that I’ve not been having the best of times at the moment.
I really don’t want people to read this and think I’m complaining, and moaning about something which other people might jump at the chance to do. Basically, long story short, I walked out of a job yesterday for the first time in my life. I am NOT that much of a spontaneous person, and in any other circumstance I would never ever just walk out of a job, without having some sort of back up prepared for me, but i’ve never been more sure of a decision.
At first I felt so lucky that I’d managed to land myself a full time job the day after I handed in my dissertation, but truth be told, it wasn’t a job I was particularly interested in (I know that lots of jobs in my life will be like this) and I was only taking it because the idea of a full time salary every month was very appealing. And it still is! I still really want to get myself another full time job! I just couldn’t take working in that environment anymore. It was making me turn into someone I didn’t even recognise.
I realise this all sounds highly overdramatic. Even as I read this back I’m rolling my eyes, but it’s true. Essentially my job was a telesales business to business agent. Which is fine. I’d never done anything like it before, so was excited to give it a go. I’ve worked in sales before, never telesales, but figured it couldn’t be too different. Suffice to say I was wrong.
I’ve never minded too much talking to people on the phones, that wasn’t an issue. And honestly, the job itself was fine, and quite relaxed. I was making over 80 calls a day, keeping organised with spreadsheets, and I learnt some good skills working there.
I think in the end what pushed me over the edge, was the working environment itself, and the way people spoke to me. I really don’t want to sound bratty or spoilt, but I have worked in some shitty jobs in my time, and none have ever made me feel this way in my life.
I think it was a combination of different things that made me walk out. I felt like I was doing so much work everyday, and I still wasn’t making sales. We were supposed to make 80 calls a day, and make 2 sales daily. I was making over 80 a day, and still hadn’t made one. Maybe i’m shit at telesales, that’s fine- I can accept that. But when asking for help, or advice on how I can make my pitch stronger, being told that it wasn’t worth helping me because they could get another newbie with more experience on the job, was not helpful at all. This combined with a lot of other things happening at work, was making me irritable, moody, and not in a good headspace.
I’m so conscious of even posting this, because I realise it isn’t very professional of me to be slating a job openly on the internet, and it probably won’t look so great to future employers, but the main thing I wanted to get across in this post is that it’s okay to put yourself first.
If i’d have been in this situation a year ago, there’s no way I would have walked out after my lunch break and not gone back. That to me, seems stupid, and even now, theres still a little part of me that thinks maybe I shouldn’t have done that, or maybe I was being over sensitive, and maybe I should have just waited until the end of the day, but at the end of the day (should i mention the end of the day again?) when I walked out, I felt a huge weight off my shoulders, and I knew I’d done the right thing.
I realised I don’t owe anyone anything. I am in control of what I do with my life. I don’t really care what the people there think of me for doing this, because it’s likely i’ll never see them again, and even if I do, they probably won’t recognise me anyway.
I think after talking to all the supportive people I have in my life, I just realised that the only pro I could think of staying there, was that I’d be making money every month. But weighed up against the long list of cons I’d realised- It just wasn’t worth it. I can try to get myself another job, where I’ll still be earning money. I know it might not come straight away, but I’m putting all of my efforts into finding myself a new job for summer. Wish me luck.
I also received a lot of lovely advice from some of my Instagram followers, and all of their advice, combined with what other people were saying, and also my own thoughts, just made me think. Fuck it. I’m putting myself first for once. I have never been so miserable everyday, and the thought of going back made me literally lose all my appetite and just want to crawl into bed and do nothing.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m scared of not being able to find another job, and not having much money, of course I am. But I needed to get out of that toxic environment, and I’m glad I did. I spent yesterday evening updating my CV, and looking at different jobs I can apply for, and I’ve spent most of my day today applying for lots, so I’m trying my best to be proactive.
Putting myself first is something I never do. I’m constantly thinking about other people, and what they may think of me, but sometimes, I think it’s necessary. Because, although I’m a bit nervous at the moment, I feel better knowing that I stuck up for myself for once in my life.
This post was just a huge old unprofessional ramble, and so I apologise. I just wanted to get some stuff off my chest. I also don’t want people to think I’m a brat, or ungrateful in anyway, and if you work in telesales yourself, this is in no means a dig at you.
I don’t suggest you walk out of your jobs, by the way. This was a pretty out of character move for me, but it felt like the only option. The only thing I’d like you to take from this post, if you want to take anything away from this ramble, is that it’s okay to put yourself first.
Thanks as always for reading,
Love, Lauren xx